SKY BLUE ALERT:
Coalition of the Willing Admits Lies and Conspiracy

"President" Dubya Bush admitted today that he and his staff had totally lied about their WMD evidence against Saddam, because they, quote: "really really really wanted to have a war". Vice "President" Cheney also admitted that greed for oil was a major motivation behind their Iraq policy, and that his former corporation Halliburton was "always first in line to profiteer off Iraq's misery".

These surprise revelations have left both Democrats and Republicans speechless. "I knew they were a bit undemocratic, but I never suspected that they might be lying to us for the wrong reasons..." said one voter. "After all, their motives seemed so honorable on the surface - I mean, Saddam was evil. Very EVIL!!"

Defence under-secretary Wolfowitz added in a press conference that it was "probably a bit poor of us neo-cons to exploit the climate of post 9/11 by forcing our dishonorable elitist motives on an unwilling world, but hell, what you've gotta understand is that for ten years now, I've been hovering over Pentagon maps of Iraq like a vampire, and I just couldn't hold back my load any longer. We went in, and fixed the problem. Yeah, we fixed 'em up real good...."

"I'm so glad to have got that off my chest..." said Donald Rumsfeld in an interview. "In fact, I'm surprised that any of our evidence fooled anyone at all! The dodgy photos, the crap about mobile trucks with 20 minute nuclear launch capabilities. I guess, in the end, it didn't convince all that many people, in spite of our severe media brainwashing campaign, which is admittedly unconstitutional, and probably even illegal. If it isn't, then it should be, but we won't be passing that law, that's for sure, HA HA!"

Now that the Republicans have laid bare their policies in such an uncharacteristic fashion, political analysts expect that the public concern over these matters will soon be washed away from people's minds, by cable television, football and beer (all of which are subject to illegal manipulation by the government, according to recent White House statements). It is anticipated that voters will go back to their comfortable, sheltered, docile first-world existences, and be completely bored with Iraq for a while, until the next War season comes along. The problems of Iraqi occupation will not really be problems anymore, and all over the U.S, the U.K. and Australia, the flowers will bloom, the birds will sing, and everything will be happy.