GREEN ALERT:
Nothing Is Wrong, Please Resume Shopping

An unexpected downturn in the US economy has "no connection" to the recently announced Green Alert status announced by the governments of the Willing World.

"Of course they are unrelated," a spokesfolk for leading terror experts NHIV said today at a gathering of the world's press. "That isn't to say that our present state of reduced terror activity isn't the perfect time to take advantage of some of the fantastic mid-year stocktake sales. Naturally a reduction in the danger to you and your neighbours also makes for some fantastic reductions in terror-related equipment. Gas masks are cheaper now than at any time since 9/11, protective suits are being slashed, and now really would be an ideal time to invest in an underground shelter."

"We have made the Willing World a safer place by removing an enemy of freedom," said "President" George W. Bush. "But freedom means feedom to spend, freely. And unless we spend freely, then freedom really is under threat. And speaking of free - have you been to any of these sales? They're virtually giving it away anyway."