GOLD ALERT
Saddam tops new list of World's Richest Terrorists

New figures released today have revealed a surprising new leader in the list of World's Richest Terrorists. In spite of the recent influx of funds and resources to Osama bin Laden and his al Quaeda network, deposed Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein has come out on top.

"Of course we have no idea how deep his pockets really are," claimed a spokesfolk for NHIV, the organisation compiling the information. "But we know he escaped from the assault on Baghdad with well over a billion dollars, which puts him right at the top of the list to begin with. He may have many times that."

Rumours abound as to what Saddam may be doing with his untold riches. "Perhaps he's finally developing those WMDs that were so difficult to put together under the prying eyes of UN inspectors and with restrictive sanctions in place. Or possibly he's found it more economical just to invest in aircraft, which can double not only as WMDs but as a means of fleeing willing coalitions."

Rumours that Hussein has shaved his moustache off to avoid recognition have been dismissed as "absurd" by the US Administration. "He kept a whole bevy of doubles in Iraq to throw us off the true scent," said Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld in response to a question from a meddling reporter. "If he were to shave, it would mean all of them would need to shave as well. It's just impractical. Besides, just because he's deposed doesn't stop him being evil. Of course he's got a moustache." The reporter in question has since been fired for unrelated reasons.

"President" George W. Bush seemed untroubled by the announcement. "The regime of Saddam Hussein is no more. The American people no longer have anything to fear from a brutal dictator."

Australian Prime Minister agreed with the "President". "I agree with what President Bush said," he stated. "In fact, you can pretty much take that as a given from now on. He called me the Man of Steel, did you hear that?"