With the Australian election just days away, Prime Minister John 'Rodent' Howard and Foreign Minister Alexander 'Batter' Downer today took time out from electioneering to defend an ongoing doctrine of pre-emptive strikes whenever they feel like it.

Howard finally admitted that he's embraced Dubya's Patented Pre-Emption Doctrine with gusto, saying he'd launch a pre-emptive strike against another country if the intelligence justified it. "So you can see I've softened my position somewhat from that taken against Iraq!" Howard laughed.

Downer went one step further, saying not only was Australia free to bomb where they pleased, the rest of the world was free to bomb Australia. If they had intelligence suggesting terrorists in Australia were plotting to attack them, that is. Asked whether that meant Iraq were within their rights to bomb Canberra a couple of years back, Downer also laughed. "Don't be silly! They didn't have any bombs!"

Howard was dismissive of UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan's statement that the War On Iraq was illegal. "As you know, our government is committed to helping make a safer, and more secure world, and eliminate the terrible threat of terrorism that has cast a shadow over our lives since the fortuitously timed, sorry I mean tragic, events of September 11. To this end, we have worked in conjunction with our US and British coalition allies to anger the entire world community with a systematic campaign of lies, abuse of power and foreign relationships, and comical re-interpretation of international law.

"And so we initiated the bloody invasion of a country that has no identifiable link whatsoever with the 9/11 terrorist attack, for reasons that are at best, really piss-poor, and without any foundation of proof. Against the will of the world. The point that I will continue to bleat is that an evil dictator has been removed, and that is a good outcome for the Iraqis, no matter how much torture, death, home invasion and humiliation we might need to inflict upon a foreign society, in the course of 'improving their lives'.

"Because people who kill innocent Iraqis are evil EVIL EVIL!!! (Except us of course. We're not Evil - we're Willing!)

"Mr. Annan and the U.N. are simply incapable of appreciating the genius that is Bush foreign policy. The larger plan, of course, is to flush out any would-be terrorists by using insane policies as overwhelming provocation - then the government simply needs to identify anyone who speaks out against them, and either bug their phone, or send them to Guantanemo Bay, depending on their threat-level. If we know that a citizen won't act against the government, no matter how much reason we give him to act, then we can be fairly sure that citizen is safe, and won't be lured towards terrorist behaviour.

"I mean, come on, pre-emptive strikes? We're seriously saying that we should attack an enemy first, without proof of anything, just in case they are dangerous? And don't forget how the largest protest in Australian history, or for that matter, world history, took place in February 2003 over the Iraq war, and how I flippantly described the protesters as a minority. And now Kofi Annan says the war was illegal - and get this for my zinger of a reply... 'no-one said the war was illegal 18 months ago'! What a hoot - everyone knows that in fact I went out of my way to ignore that very message from a few million protesters. These are clearly political actions designed to lure terrorism out from the shadows, and even identify all their sympathisers. You see, we're actually going to great lengths to identify and stamp out terrorism, but naturally it may take a few years, and more than a few incursions into civil rights laws. However, I maintain that even twenty thousand foreign lives, a million missing limbs, and a multitude of lies and rights violations upon our own citizens, are all worth it if it stops even one terrorist."

In a prepared statement, voice of sanity New Horizons In Violence replied, "Let's get serious for a moment. Just this once.

"Stop this crazy imperialism that is plunging the world deeper and deeper into peril. Get rid of these short-sighted leaders doing exactly what the terrorists behind 9-11 expected and wanted them to do. Punish a government that has fought an illegal, unjust, insanely badly prepared war in our name. Realise that to re-elect Howard is to endorse Dubya's reckless, arrogant path down the road of the Roman Empire (only this time with nukes!) Realise that American voters are watching Australia's election for a lead on how the one country they feel is left on their side feels about their imperialist agenda. Realise that a vote for Howard is a vote for Bush.

"And that is why when you cast your vote on Saturday, we beg you, PUT THE LIBERALS LAST."

Written & authorised by Saddama bin Laden & George Dubya Pussy for New Horizons In Violence.