YELLOW ALERT:
Oh Shiite!  Bush administration caves: "If al Qaeda want Iraq, they can have it!"

As the June 30 handover deadline draws ever nearer for the Bush administration, even the staunchest of Bush's liars and apologists are having enormous difficulty masking the fact that there is a bit of a security problem in Baghdad. And in Tikrit. and definitely in Fallujah, oh yes... in fact, as Paul Bremer confided to our reporters, "our troops are being shot at pretty much all over the country, which is not to say that democracy isn't taking root here, it's just that the democratic Iraqis dont have guns. But we're fully locked and loaded and ready to ram that sweet democracy down these Iraqi's throats for just a couple more months, whether they want it or not. Just as soon as we take care of this little 'civil war' problem..."

Current adversaries of the U.S. presence in Iraq include the Shiite community, as well as the Sunni population, and various hostile elements swarming into Iraq across all borders, and the Kurds are probably starting to get sick of them as well. Republican party political analysts estimate that Iraq will only be ready for democracy when all of the people there who don't like America are dead. "So it's just about time to cut 'n' run", explained a Bush spokesman, "and protect the oil, which is really a lot more important to us than any bunch of stupid Iraqi civilians stuck in the desert without proper TV. I mean, if Saddam had taken us seriously when we said 'Give us yer oil or we'll kick yer ass', then none of these thousands and thousands of deaths would have been necessary."

It is anticipated that from the moment Iraqis are given any real taste of democracy, as opposed to Bush's special southern-fried democracy at gunpoint, they will use it to appoint the most anti-American leader in arab history, mean enough to make Saddam look like a pro-Bush pussy in the tradition of John Howard. The current front-runner is New Horizons In Violence evil mastermind Saddamma bin Laden, but popularity is also growing for an al Qaeda sponsored state.

"Well", admitted Bremer, "it is a distinct possibility and I have to say that in the event of that we'd be pulling the last of our troops out pretty damn quick. I mean, what - you want us to leave troops in a country run by al Qaeda?  That's just madness.  It'd be an absolute bloodbath."

US Secretary of Mass Slaughter Donald Rumsfeld admitted that the scorecard in the War on Terror was not looking too good.  "It's starting to look like one-all.  That is so long as Afghanistan doesn't turn out to be an own goal.  Whoops!"