THE DAILY GOVERNMENT-SANCTIONED WORLD NEWS
September 11 2007
THE "UNITED STATES OF EARTH PLEDGE OF ADHERENCE" NOW
MANDATORY FOR ALL SCHOOL CLASSROOMS
Students
across the world, from kindergaten to final year, will be expected to
recite
a new "daily pledge of adherence" to President Bush's United states
of Earth. The pledge impresses upon children the need to support our world leaders
in their difficult struggle, to voice agreement with their policy and faith
in their judgement, and most importantly, to keep an eye out for those who do
not do the same. Thousands of teachers worldwide have already been arrested
for openly refusing to enforce the pledge in their classrooms. In response,
a spokesman for the Bush government said, "we welcome this opportunity
to purge left-wing troublemakers from the education system."
This is the most significant development in Superpresident Bush's Child Mental Restructuring Program since two months ago, when new laws removed old history books (and teachers) from schools worldwide, replacing them with employee training schemes offered by major transnational corporations. Superpresident Bush's privatised education scheme is designed to focus on profitable skills, and government sanctioned education, free from the subversive terrorist influences of art and philosophy. Of course, going to church is still compulsory, for all students.
In related news, today Superpresident Bush declared the entire world to be the property of America, in a stirring speech delivered from one of his aircraft carriers. The final pockets of resistance from former rogue nations China and Greenland have been eliminated, and some 20,000 reinforcement fast-food outlets are already being sent to their cities. There has been talk in neo-conservative circles of increasing the number of stars on the U.S. flag, to reflect the megapower's new status as the United States of Earth. In fact, it appears that several thousand stars will be required to represent the new states that will be formed across the globe, in place of the currently existing borders between the worlds former "non-U.S." countries. When asked why it is necessary to alter existing world borders, Superpresident Bush explained that "no state on Earth was allowed to be bigger than Texas." He recently passed legislation allowing the flag to be "much bigger", to accommodate extra stars.
Australia has a place of great prestige in the new order, being the chosen staging ground from which Bush's imperial forces will dominate Asia. Australian Prime Minister John "Mini-Bush" Howard, was among the first to take the United States of Earth pledge of adherence, way back in the "War in Iraq" phase of the Bush government's completely legal and glorious world domination campaign, still known at that stage as the "War on terror". As a rewared for their role as America's faithful dog over the years, Australia has been given special dispensation from the president to add the words "fair dinkum" and "bonza" to the pledge of adherence.
However, recent changes in the world's political organisation will not result in any reduction of the Bush government's enormous military budget. On the contrary, the military will maintain and strengthen its firm grip over the planet, to prevent the ghost of terrorism from ever rising again, in the form of prohibited organisations and activities. Supreme sub-commander Rumsfeld, at an officially sanctioned press conference, also underlined the ever present possibility of an alien threat. "If those aliens were terrorists as well, then that would be a real nightmare…" he added. "So that is why we all need to get behind the President's plan to build a giant nuclear space-cannon on Mars."
This is the most significant development in Superpresident Bush's Child Mental Restructuring Program since two months ago, when new laws removed old history books (and teachers) from schools worldwide, replacing them with employee training schemes offered by major transnational corporations. Superpresident Bush's privatised education scheme is designed to focus on profitable skills, and government sanctioned education, free from the subversive terrorist influences of art and philosophy. Of course, going to church is still compulsory, for all students.
In related news, today Superpresident Bush declared the entire world to be the property of America, in a stirring speech delivered from one of his aircraft carriers. The final pockets of resistance from former rogue nations China and Greenland have been eliminated, and some 20,000 reinforcement fast-food outlets are already being sent to their cities. There has been talk in neo-conservative circles of increasing the number of stars on the U.S. flag, to reflect the megapower's new status as the United States of Earth. In fact, it appears that several thousand stars will be required to represent the new states that will be formed across the globe, in place of the currently existing borders between the worlds former "non-U.S." countries. When asked why it is necessary to alter existing world borders, Superpresident Bush explained that "no state on Earth was allowed to be bigger than Texas." He recently passed legislation allowing the flag to be "much bigger", to accommodate extra stars.
Australia has a place of great prestige in the new order, being the chosen staging ground from which Bush's imperial forces will dominate Asia. Australian Prime Minister John "Mini-Bush" Howard, was among the first to take the United States of Earth pledge of adherence, way back in the "War in Iraq" phase of the Bush government's completely legal and glorious world domination campaign, still known at that stage as the "War on terror". As a rewared for their role as America's faithful dog over the years, Australia has been given special dispensation from the president to add the words "fair dinkum" and "bonza" to the pledge of adherence.
However, recent changes in the world's political organisation will not result in any reduction of the Bush government's enormous military budget. On the contrary, the military will maintain and strengthen its firm grip over the planet, to prevent the ghost of terrorism from ever rising again, in the form of prohibited organisations and activities. Supreme sub-commander Rumsfeld, at an officially sanctioned press conference, also underlined the ever present possibility of an alien threat. "If those aliens were terrorists as well, then that would be a real nightmare…" he added. "So that is why we all need to get behind the President's plan to build a giant nuclear space-cannon on Mars."
