War President George War Bush today restated his war commitment to war.

"I know I'm 'sposed to keep an eye on the economy and employment and stuff, but it's real hard 'cos I keep thinkin about war, I got nothin' but war on my mind 24-7, all those bright explosions and helicopters and bits of foreign people flying through the air, it's way cooler than boring old social statistics. I do see myself as more of a war president, kinda like Winston Churchill or Napoleon, so I try to focus on my strengths and have lots of wars with really big explosions, just like in the movies."

War President Bush's comments come in response to the release of the New Horizons In Violence song War President, which summarises his wild enthusiasm for war in general. War President Bush stood behind the song.

"I think it's a real catchy tune myself, and it's good to see people helping me to get my message across to the soldiers, I mean the people. I don't know who these War Horizons In Violence people are, but they sure do speaka my language! Get it, that's my impersonation of a foreigner! War!"

War Bush expressed regret at being forced to interrupt his worldwide war campaign to focus on domestic politics.

"They reckon there's this guy called Kerry who wants to take my job, and I said to Dick, 'Why can't we just kill him?' and he replied 'Because he's an American', so I said 'Well send him to Guantanemo then' but Dick reckoned too many people would notice he's missing. So they say I've got to fight some sort of erm, erection or something. I don't remember having to win one of those last time. I hope it's kinda lika a war, 'cos war is cool."

When pressed about his dubious National Guard service record, Bush was uncharacteristically honest.

"Well when I say War President, I don't really mean a President that I fight war. More that I declare war. Mind you I have been thinking of doing a little direct bombing myself, and I will as soon as they let me.

"I don't know why they won't let me press that big red button on my desk - I should be allowed to, cos I'm the President and I can do anything, and I've been meaning to do something about that damn French government, but the CIA said we shouldn't nukularise a city unless we're at least 70 percent sure that Osama bin Laden is living there. And besides, I'm supposed to wait until December to start the next war, after we're locked in for another four years, and the voters can't stop me. Pity, 'cos I really want to break the record set by Vietnam , which lasted more than four years. How can I have a really comprehensive war that ravages the whole planet with only four years to work with? I guess I'll have to declare myself "supreme overlord", or something similar, at some point (by the way, that's Mr Supreme Overlord to you...). I'm sure that nuke button would start the coolest war ever, and boy does that give me a hard-on. Starting another war could give me the opportunity to really ravage the planet with death and destruction, and that is what U.S. economy really needs."